Sphere of Influence

cooksuck:

Let’s face it, butter chicken is Indian for pussies and racists.  But Coles butter chicken on shitty Coles bread, hell, that’s one absolute nancy boy pussy racist piece of shit.  This lunch is almost homophobic.  In fact it is; “I’ll get the least spicy curry I can, I’ll halve every flavour aspect by purchasing it from Coles, then, just to be sure I don’t get a potentially pleasurable tingling sensation in my colon in a few hours, I’ll dumb it down with the whitest wholemeal bread I can find to ensure a seamless and non-gay transaction between my strictly for sitting and defecating arse and the toilet bowl in a few hours.” 

Coles pre-packaged lunches are so fucking depressing anyway - people who purchase ready-to-go lunches from Coles are basically letting everyone around them know that they’ve thrown in the towel; that life is just shitty elevator small talk, HBO mini-series, Scoopon dates, Facebook status updates about late buses, shit weather, how much they hate Mondays and nothing more; just a slow, gradual countdown until they die the same way they were born; a financial burden to those that are forced to love them.  

It’s like those pre-packaged shots you can buy at the counter at bottle stores.  Has anyone ever purchased or turned up to a party with these?  They must sell them, what sort of awful cunt actually buys this shit?  ”Hold onto your hats guys, I’ve got some pre-made half-strength c**ksucking cowboys and slippery ni**les, someone crank up Kings of Leon!”.   Cool drinks guys; thanks for fitting me in to your pretend craft beer drinking, late-on-the-bandwagon sockless boat shoe lives by turning up to my house to get my party started. What next? Are wegoing to rack up some No-Doz or do you wanna just sit around and retweet each other’s #yolo jokes?

Someone give this blogger a Walkely already.